There are many things I love about our annual family Christmas Holiday. The most obvious is spending so much time with my best friend and husband, Israel and our two gorgeous children without the added background noise of business and the normal routine of life.
The second is the opportunity to read in the middle of the day whilst the others have Nanna naps. It’s me time. Total utter bliss to be able to read a book for an hour without hearing “Mum!” or “Mum, I’m hungry!”. I know many of you will relate to this.
The Root Cause has always been about family connections, we are passionate about health and the role food has to play in that, but I also love to share about family, and how important it is to be our best on this learning journey together. That is why I share this book with you today.
Hands Free Mama
One of my favourite blogs to follow is called ‘Hands Free Mama’. It’s a blog about putting aside the distractions of our daily life (technology, job demands, saying yes, trying to look good in the eyes of others etc) and grasping what really matters – time with your family.
This blog really struck a chord with us because when my husband Israel was diagnosed with depression after our son was born, we did lots of soul searching to get to The Root Cause of his depression. What we discovered was this:
We had spent years building an amazing and big photography business that would give us an income similar to our old Corporate jobs and allow me to take 18 months out to be with our baby, but for Israel this meant little time for himself and for his family. We had simply lost track of what was truly important.
Fast forward years later, and I can still relate so much to Hands Free Mama’s blog posts. I found myself in tears as I read them. Israel was the same. We felt so strongly about the family messages in these blog posts, that we simply had to share them with our community, with you.
Anyway, back to the book review. Rachel Macy Stafford – the brilliant and inspiring Mama behind Hands Free Mama has amassed such a following that she published a book:
Hands Free Mama – A Guide to Putting Down The Phone, Burning the To-Do List and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters.
So in keeping with my promise of sharing what I learn so when I know better, I can do better, I bring you this book review of a most amazing and beautifully-written book – Hands Free Mama. I truly hope you grab yourself a copy, it gives you something to think about and helps you know better so you can do better.
When I set out to review the book, I thought the easiest way would be to tag the pages I thought had something really incredible to share with you. I started by tagging the pages down the side. Then I realised there were too many tags, so I changed my approach and started to tag the pages at the top when I thought there was a really important theme to share with you. Then these started to build up too.
So I am going to let the picture of the book at the top of this post speak for itself. The book is just so jam-packed with amazing ‘learnings’, that I truly believe every parent (Mums and Dads) would relate to and learn from reading it. However, a book review wouldn’t be a book review without actually sharing something more substantial about the book. So here are my Top 5 things I love love love about the Hands Free Mama book.
Top 5 Loves – One
I love how eloquently Rachel describes how she got lost in the rush of life. Doing everything. Living by the computer, the simple phone that had now become the ruler of her life. How she kept telling herself someday things would slow down. Until one day she asked herself “How do I do it all?” And she allowed herself this honest and life changing answer:
“I miss out on life – that’s how I do it all. I miss out on what truly matters; and what I miss, I can’t get back.”
I can so relate to the rushing and trying to do it all, but what this really reminded me of was when we peeled back all the layers to get to The Root Cause of Israel’s depression, one of the factors we identified was how Israel felt he had missed important milestones in our childrens’ lives, because he spent a lot of his time working so hard on growing our business.
In Rachel’s words – what he missed, he can’t get back. It’s a sad but true fact people. How much are we prepared to miss out on what truly matters because of all the things we think are important?
Top 5 Loves – Two
I love how each chapter gives the reader a Hands Free Weekly Intention. Something we can take on to improve the level of distraction and grasp what’s really important.
Top 5 Loves – Three
I love how interspersed throughout the book are beautiful poems, which are so poignant that it makes you realise how important it is to be connected to your love ones rather than our electronic devices. Here’s a little excerpt of one such poem which got me right to the core of my very being:
There will come a day when she no longer wants to hold my hand.
So I will hold it while I still can.
There will come a day when she no longer tells me what’s on her mind.
So I will listen while she still wants to talk to me.…What I thought I had all the time in the world to do,
May no longer be an option.
I don’t know about you, but I get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes when I think about the day my two cherubs may not want to hold my hand or confide in me. I choose to make the most of it whilst it’s still an option. What about you?
Top 5 Loves – Four
I love how Rachel includes a host of Reflection Questions for the reader to consider how they are being. One that I really resonated with – even though it really hurt – was this:
“Do you pressure your children to look or perform a certain way? What might happen if you adopt the role of Loving Encourager and accept them ‘as is’?”
Rachel relays a story about how her daughter was practicing playing her Ukulele for her upcoming music recital. Rachel heard and saw only the flaws in her playing and asked her to practice just one more time. Over and over again. After a while, her daughter put down the Ukulele, and with tears in her eyes she told her mum “I just want to be good”.
It reminded me of times when I push particularly our daughter to do things because it concerns me what other people may think. Now I see that like Rachel’s daughter, she always tries her best but the impacts of my ‘pushing’, correcting and comments may well be giving her the message she’s not good enough. Mental note to myself – stop thinking about what others may think. Can you relate to this?
Top 5 Loves – Five
Most of all I love this one. Rachel identified how she had rescued her life from distraction with the exception of her relationship with her husband. She identified how she often sat down to the computer after putting her children to bed, and how she had fallen into the trap of thinking it was OK to sit side by side on the couch with her husband with them both using their individual hand held devices or laptops because after all, “We have the rest of our lives to spend time together.”
Does this sound familiar to you? I put my hand up, Israel and I have been guilty of this. Now being honest, I do see this is not really being together. When doing this, we are doing nothing to honour our partnership, to grow and develop the love in our relationship. To keep it fresh and exciting. All which are a must for a fulfilling long term relationship. I know I don’t want to be part of the statistics of couples that separate when their kids leave home. This often happens because couples no longer have the glue (the kids) that kept them together. I want our love, connection and mutual respect for each other to be our glue.
Time to definitely stop this distraction. What about you?
Finally
Boy keeping this to just five reasons why I love the Hands Free Mama book is so hard. It’s like those bleepn’ tags all over again. I just keep finding things which I feel are imperative to share. So I am going to leave you with one last quote. If all of the above wasn’t enough for you to think about, and make you grab a copy of this book NOW, try this one on for size:
“The memories my children carry with them into adulthood are largely up to me. In the everyday routines of life, I have the power to provide my child with countless loving memories of human connection. I also have the ability to leave my children with a scarce supply of meaningful moments.” – Rachel Macy Stafford.
Wow!
I really strongly recommend this book as a priority read for parents. I know you probably think you don’t have time, but if there is one thing you can do for yourself, it’s read this book. It will help you break free of the distractions which are limiting the quality time you spend on what’s truly important – your family.
Hands Free Mama: order your copy on Amazon.com now. (Affiliate link.)