Over in The 5 Minute Healthy Lunchbox System eCourse Facebook group, a conversation that comes up every few months is about how to get my partner eating healthier.The consensus seems to be that hubby’s and partners are more challenging than kids when it comes to healthy eating. They are set in their ways. They only like sandwiches. They eat foods in front of the kids that you’re trying to get the kids not to eat etc. Does this sound familiar?
It seems many feel hubby’s and partners are the toughest nuts to crack.
Because this comes up so often in the eCourse, I thought you might find this 2 part blog useful. I know from talking to many people in this situation, it is SO frustrating and is often a source of arguments. So in this first post – 5 Ways To Get Your Partner Eating Healthier, I’ll share how you can tackle this situation a little differently. The aim of these 5 ways is to help defuse some of your frustration and anger. In the second post, I will specifically provide alternatives for sandwiches in their lunch and tips on how to introduce them.
The 5 Ways
1. Change Your Headspace
Ok, so this might not be a popular one to start with but it is important
stop thinking of your partner or hubby as a nut to crack.
Love them for the way they are, afterall, they probably ate like this when you met. For many mums or women I talk to, it is in fact themselves who have changed, not their partner. They have learnt about food, they have found eating healthier makes them feel better. Now they know better, and are doing better, and they just want what’s best for their partner too. Sound familiar?
Change your headspace about this situation. Rather than trying to change or improve them, work on leading by example. Role model how you want them to eat by eating that way yourself. And continue being the stand for your children’s health in the face of where-ever your partner is at. This is important for the kids but it will show your partner this is a way of life for the family, not a fad.
It may take them quite a while, but they will notice how eating better is improving your health, your moods, your energy etc. They may also see a difference in the children’s behaviour and health as a result of the changes too.
2. Stop Telling Them. Talk To Them Instead
What! you might be saying. But…
there is a big difference to telling them and talking to them.
I hear you when you say it’s frustrating because you want them to be around for a long time, and you know they would be so much better if they ate better. And so many have mums have told me they feel like their partners are undoing all the work they are doing with the kids around healthy eating.
But hubby’s and partners are just like our kids. They really don’t like being told what to do – who does?
Rather than telling them they are making your job difficult with the kids, or they need to eat this way or they are going to get sick, talk to them. Tell them what is motivating you to want to feed the kids better, and why their role is important in that. Have a discussion about what they hope for their kids health and life. Chat about how you would like their support, specifically by not eating foods in front of the kids that you’re trying to get the kids not to eat.
Chat frankly about how you love them and want them around for a long time. How you’d love it if they took a little bit better care of their health. Ask them how best you can help them.
3. Understand Where They Are Coming From
I am quite often told that partners or hubby’s say “I have always eaten like this and I am fine.” The reality is, they are probably right – they have always eaten like this, especially when it comes to sandwiches. Many of us in our grew up with sandwiches in our lunch boxes and if you’re like me, I even packed sandwiches for my family for lunches until I learnt how gluten was affecting them.
Your partner or hubby may also have eaten a few biscuits or some chips each week, or perhaps even had a soft drink. Perhaps this is still what they are doing today. Or it could also be they drink or smoke too much for your liking. But, you and I know that our bodies are not designed to be treated like this for prolonged periods of time.
It’s unfortunate that for many, it takes a health issue to get us back to eating the way we are really suppose to eat.
Of course if you start telling them the way they eat is going to catch up with them, you’re unlikely to get a favourable response. Instead, understand for where they are at, they are right. They have always eaten like this and they currently feel fine. Try to work out what would motivate them to eat better. What do they like doing? What would they like to do more of (eg. playing sport, playing with the kids)? Then work out ways to show them how eating better will help that.
Ask them what sort of parent they would like to be for the kids (eg. active, see them grow up and become parents themselves etc). Then work out ways to show them their health and the way they eat is important to that.
Depending on how well you communicate together, you could even ask them how they feel their current health would stack up. Will they be able to keep playing footy or surfing if they keep going like this? Will they be able to run around and play with the kids if they keep going like this?
4. G.A.C
This my # 1 strategy for transitioning your family to eating more real foods. I recommend you use this strategy if you don’t have a pressing health issue you’re dealing with. Use this to bring everyone along for the ride – without a lot of angst. Of course, if you have a health issue, talk to your health practitioner. You may need to make changes faster. Of if you’re really up for making changes quickly, you could consider a more drastic cold turkey kind of approach.
G.A.C goes like this:
Give them what they want – this means, still serve up what they want but in slightly smaller proportions. At the same time,
Add in what you want – this is usually more vegetables or foods which add more nutrition. Then overtime,
Crowd out what you don’t want. This means gradually remove over a period of time, the foods you don’t want them to eat.
G.A.C is a win for your partner and you.
If you adopt G.A.C over a time frame that suits your family, you should be able to transition away from these foods without it being noticeable. I always tell my coaching clients, it doesn’t matter if it takes 6 weeks, 6 months or a year. You’re taking steps in the right direction.
5. Be Their Stand Too
I bang the drum a lot about being a stand for your children’s health. This means doing your best to bring your kids along for the ride so it becomes a way of life for them. They understand why you’re making the choices for food you do. You’ve worked with them to find alternatives you are happy with. You have set your boundaries of what you will and will not allow in the house and you shop accordingly (eg. they want BBQ shapes, you don’t but together you find a cracker alternative such as additive and preservative free brown rice crackers).
You’re comfortable with the fact that most of your children’s food comes from home and you know they are eating well there. You’re also comfortable with outside of home, there may be situations where they eat food you’d prefer them not to. You allow this because you want them to learn how their body feels after eating other foods.
Be the same stand for your partner too.
Make the same effort to bring them along for the ride too. Find alternatives for them too and buy that. If they feel strongly enough about the other, then they will buy it themselves. Then you can have the discussion about whether it’s something you want the kids to see or not. And be comfortable outside of the home, they may eat or drink differently.
Be a stand for their health – so it becomes a way of life, rather than some extreme diet they feel is being forced upon them.
Be sure to check out the second post for this blog – Sandwich Alternatives For Partners (coming soon).