A big shout out to ABC Radio NSW for being a Stand for Children's Health. Each week, I will be chatting to Patrick on air about food, family and children's health.
We've got loads of great topics we'll be covering. Most weeks, I will be on air live with Patrick on Tuesdays at 10.40am. However, some weeks I may be on a different day if I'm running school incursions.
Here is this week's recording.
seasons of parenting
Patrick:
Now last week we looked at how sometimes adulting and parenting can be hard. Well following on from this let's look at the seasons of parenting.
Belinda Smith from The Root Cause is back to discuss. Good morning Belinda.
Belinda:
Good morning Patrick and listeners. I hope you're all having a wonderful day.
Patrick:
I hope you are as well. Now, the seasons of a parent. What exactly are they?
Belinda:
Well, look, I think, firstly, I just need to also preface this by saying, like, I'm not a guru on any of this stuff or parenting. I'm actually just a mum that's wading through life and sharing what has worked for me, what hasn't worked for me.
The reason why today's topic came up was because I shared last week that my daughter was nearing being 18 and all of a sudden like there's this, oh my gosh, I've now got an adult child. And I started to think about what's a gift that I could actually give her that was really meaningful.
So I wrote her a story on the weekend called The Seasons of Life and it was really just about letting her know that sometimes in life things you're going to sail through it, sometimes it's going to like suck, but it's like the season summer, autumn, winter, spring, they always come and go and sometimes they'll last for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years but you know like even in the darkest days, they will eventually become light again.
That was what my story to her was all about. And as I was writing it, I actually got to the end of it and I thought, gosh, that was actually quite cathartic for me to remind myself of, you know what? Celebrate me, I've just had 18 years of parenting and we've both come out pretty all right.
So I just wanted to share with parents firstly, and caregivers of course, to get this little notion that we can give ourselves a bit of peace of mind by just recognizing that even in times that feel really hard, there will come a time when we come out of it. And so I just firstly would like people to reflect back on their own life even before parenting and think back to times where you thought, this is just horrible. I'm never going to make it out of this.
Straight away, I was transported back to my Year 8 days where I had a fantastic circle of friends in school and something happened and the group fragmented and I found myself on the outer and I was, like back then it was a big deal. Like I thought, how am I going to survive this? But we come out of it. And throughout your whole life.
You know you've got your school years and then your young adulting years and then you've got your work years and then your parenting years and each of those have highs and lows and so parenting is very much a time of highs and lows like anytime you think that you've got parenting nailed the very next week or even sometimes the next day it totally changes and that's because Our kids grow and change, life grows and changes, school life grows and changes.
And so I think today I would just like to share a couple of things about how our seasons will always come and go. In fact, I like to think that they ebb and flow, like the tide in the water. Sometimes it's a high tide and sometimes it's a low tide and then most of the time it's kind of in the middle. And it just kind of gives a little bit of comfort to think about no matter where I am, it will get better and then sometimes it will be worse. And then from those dark days, some really great things can happen.
So for me, one of the darkest times in my parenting journey has been after my son was born. 13 years ago when my husband was diagnosed with postnatal depression. And those, gosh that was one of those times where the days just felt dark and heavy and from all of that, from all those darkness that season did eventually finish but greatness become of it too, because The Root Cause might you know like the passion of the last 10 years has been The Root Cause and that was born out of those dark days from my husband's depression.
So the kind of things that I encourage people to think about is it's easier to go with the season that you're in rather than fight it. You know like you can, rather than all angry and frustrated and feeling judgment at yourself. But we get a lot of judgment as parents about what we're doing for our kids. Are we doing a great job? And those kinds of things. So I think leaning into being compassionate and coming from a place of love for yourself and for the situation allows us to be a little bit more free rather than... when we beat ourselves up and it's really easy to do, that's when we start to feel guilt and shame and fear and worry and it just makes those times feel harder.
So leaning into this is the season that I'm in, what do I need to do to allow it to be what it is but still take care of myself? And so last week we were talking about how I needed to retreat because life felt really hard at that time and allow yourself to rest. Well, it's the same thing with this is the season that you're in but while you're actually in that season, what can you do to help yourself feel better as well, you know, and just what do I need to do today to show up for myself, for others, to make the world a better place?
It's not, I'm saying this and it's sounding like it's an easy thing to do. It's not. But this is more, I guess, as a conversation of hope that, you know, with parenting, with life, there's seasons and they do come and go and they ebb and the flow. And you can have dark and light at the same time. Like you can be. in a really bad situation but you can also do little things for yourself like even watch your sleep sometimes when things are really hard. We go into scrolling our phone and binging Netflix and things like that which feels like it's the thing that takes us away from it but it also tends to take us away from our sleep. Our body rests, recovers, recuperates and allows us to have the resilience to get up the next day to continue to face things.
So yeah, like I said, I'm not a guru in any of this. It's just as I was writing that story for my daughter, I thought, oh gosh, there are so many seasons of our life and we have proof from our own lives that we come out the other side.
Patrick:
Absolutely. Well, Belinda. When you make mention of the seasons, are they classified or are they specific or is it just understanding what is going on in your life to what sort of season it is? What's the classification of it? Do you know what kind of season you're in or is it more just the general vibe that you're personally feeling?
Belinda:
I think if we look specifically at parenting, I think there's really big chunks that you could say are seasons. Season where you've got next to no sleep and you know you're seems to be constantly changing nappies and feeding and then you've got when your child you know starts to roll over and crawl like that's another season all of a sudden we've got to you know proof your house and make it more safe and then there's the season when they start to walk and then all of a sudden you know like you're going down the street and things look different and then there's the toddler years and, you know, high school years. That’s like a big season, but each of those come with their own kind of season within itself.
Because of the work that I do, I talk to a lot of parents. A lot of parents are sharing with me about their children being fussy eaters. It's like the number one thing that causes parents grief when feeding their family is their children being fussy eaters. And so, and even that comes with its own season. So like when children go from being, you know, one or two and they're pretty happy to take whatever you put in front of them, all of a sudden they start to flex their independence muscle and it's quite normal for children between two and four to become quite. I don't like using the word fussy because it's like kind of slapping a label on them and making them bad but it's a normal part of life. They're just trying things out. They're testing what their preferences are. So that's the season and then when they start to go to school and all of a sudden they're confronted with what they're getting sent to school with compared to what everybody else is sent to school with. And this is where everyone's circumstances. becomes quite unique.
So it's just being I guess in tune with whatever's going on in my house at the moment is a season. And even if it feels heavy, there's always light that comes at the end of the season. And it's really probably just more of a message of hope for people right now. that this too shall pass as I don't know what movie that was from is it Gandalf or something?
Patrick:
Or just a piece of wisdom from Belinda Smith?
Belinda:
No, no definitely a line from a movie but it does give me peace when you know like you think this too shall pass you know it's not always going to be like this though you know like I'm 55 now I can tell you I feel like I've had a bazillion seasons in my life when I look back and I've I like to feel I've become a better person because of all of it.
So I guess for everybody out there, if you're feeling, you know, wherever you're at, you know, just remind yourself that it is, this is a season, it will pass. What do I need to do today just to be kinder to myself, to give myself love and compassion.
Patrick:
Fantastic. Well, very, very insightful thought process Belinda and thank you for your time this morning on discussing the seasons. I had no idea. Thank you for your time.
Belinda:
No worries. My pleasure. Take care everyone.